Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Tis the season


It's that time of year again; when fresh aromas of comforting foods like pumpkin pie and turkey fill your home. Malls make you feel warm and fuzzy with jolly music and winter wonderland displays; you get to reunite with family members who you see once a year (possibly for good reason).

It's also the time when people think of ridiculous reasons to have parties where little to no clothing is involved.

The kick off is Labor Day. You know, wearing a flag wrapped around your body and waving a sparkler? When did Labor Day become so patriotic anyway? Everyone mixes Memorial and Labor Day together, it may as well be called Laboremorial Day.

Halloween: the time where you think long and hard about something really awesome and clever to be in which you end up in a negligee, thong and hard hat. You guessed it: construction worker.

Thanksgiving: well, this holiday hasn't landed me an invite to a 'give thanks for beer and boobs' party yet, but I won't rule it out. Indians and pilgrims running around in loin clothes and lingerie doing keg stands, I can see it.

Christmas: Ugly sweater and white elephant parties are in the past. It is all about wrapping yourself up as a gift to be opened under the mistletoe. Let your imagination do the talking. Putting on red lingerie and a Santa hat and ta-da: ho, ho, ho!

New Years Eve: Let's just be honest, everyone is drunk beyond belief--probably wearing a very revealing outfit--to land that aforementioned midnight kiss. Ladies, this holiday is forgivable because when there are no honorable mentions within 60 feet, you do need a few tequila sunrises to get you through the night.

I used to think I had it bad when family members drank too much Franzia at holiday parties before confusing me as the valet at the age of ten. Looking back, those memories are pure entertainment. You never know what's going to come out of Uncle Ned's mouth after some spiked eggnog unlike a group of girls who all show up in dresses adorned in mistletoe and bows.

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