Saturday, August 9, 2008

Public transit

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Things not to do on an subway.

Do not: stand in the middle of a group of people shorter and thinner than you when there is no handle bar to grasp. Guaranteed you will crush their feet when you fly backward in a fit of G Force exuding every premises of the initial take off.

Do not: make eye contact with the creepy nerd leaning against the wall with his laptop in hand and headphones on. Suddenly he thinks you love him and is going over all the great steak houses to take you to in his head.

Do not: make eye contact with a man sitting directly across from you, who is also facing you. You will then spend the remainder of your ride wondering if he noticed and every time you look up he is glaring right at you and you both look away in a fit of embarrassment. This will continue until you get off.

Do not: tell anyone you do not know what time your ticket says when it is in military time. Because in that instance, you get lectured by an angry employee behind the bullet proof glass.

Do not: get in the way of anyone trying to squeeze through you to get off the train. Yes, I know there is no room to move, but do whatever you can to get out of the way. Use your spidey sense power to web yourself to the ceiling if you have to. They want off, not you in the way.

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